I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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