sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
