Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
