While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
