my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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