i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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