nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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