The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
