Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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