I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
