M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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