his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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