I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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