Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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