I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
