i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
