Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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