I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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