just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
