I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
