someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
