none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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