Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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