i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
