and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Please, let me fuck your mom
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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