when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
