Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
