Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
