I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
