you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
