Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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