dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
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Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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