found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
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I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
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i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I deserve this hangover.
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