Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
