eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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