Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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