ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
this hospital has no fireball
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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