Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
