Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
love makes seman taste better
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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