I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
