gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
