Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper