Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers

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  (908): It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers http://tfl.nu/97ey
  Replies (15) Good night (24369) Bad night (864)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.

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  (425): There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason. http://tfl.nu/skwm
  Replies (48) Good night (545) Bad night (3327) Order T-Shirt
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations

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  (228): yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations http://tfl.nu/eytk
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  (818): View more from California

  Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?

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  (818): Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales? http://tfl.nu/gvx1
  Replies (30) Good night (6660) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.

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  (231): I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom. http://tfl.nu/w091
  Replies (6) Good night (440) Bad night (3844) Order T-Shirt
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.

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  (606): I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel. http://tfl.nu/sip1
  Replies (41) Good night (3868) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.

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  (248): She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot. http://tfl.nu/w0w1
  Replies (37) Good night (4966) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Quite the contrary. Sophistication.

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  (541): I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression? (815): Quite the contrary. Sophistication. http://tfl.nu/7jsx
  Replies (24) Good night (7402) Bad night (990)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"

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  (410): You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock" http://tfl.nu/flxw
  Replies (6) Good night (2689) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...

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  (302): And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks... http://tfl.nu/1g5k
  Replies (13) Good night (1085) Bad night (2384) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours

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  (419): You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours http://tfl.nu/i7uw
  Replies (2) Good night (1978) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Goddamn tequila

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  (306): I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one (306): Goddamn tequila http://tfl.nu/4ri7
  Replies (5) Good night (1989) Bad night (476)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?

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  (217): how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you? http://tfl.nu/250l
  Replies (1) Good night (431) Bad night (1271) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.

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  (615): We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND. http://tfl.nu/votz
  Replies (1) Good night (677) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.

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  (403): I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture. http://tfl.nu/2295
  Replies (7) Good night (816) Bad night (259)

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