So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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