I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
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this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
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I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...