there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.