dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds