I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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