I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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