I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
