I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
