her vagine was all disorganized.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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