I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
