u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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