My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Randomize
