I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
