woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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