'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
