I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
