rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
