PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
