I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
