His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
