I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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