Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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