i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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