I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
