Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize