I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
