You really coming over, don't trick.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
