i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
